Hey there! I can do anything a man can do! Unstable Female Hormones (Super Princess Peach) Speaking of "special lubricant," I can only wonder how many of the aforementioned sexual malcontents found themselves suddenly pausing their Mario game, gazing longingly at the plump penguin form of their plumber avatar.ĭamn furries. This guy preordered New Super Mario Bros Wii months in advance. Not only does the suit uncomfortably hug Mario's thick form like a glove, but based on its ability to slide across ice without friction, I can only assume the entire suit must be covered in some sort of special lubricant. So while I'm willing to forgive Mario for occasionally taking to the skies courtesy of his trusty raccoon tail, seeing his fat ass stuffed into a slippery rubber penguin outfit terrifies me beyond explanation. I've been on the internet long enough to know that when overweight middle-aged men squeeze their way into animal costumes, nothing good comes of it (see: furries). The Penguin Suit (New Super Mario Bros Wii) Those special Items and abilities we've raised an eyebrow at over the years, examples both good and bad, strange and… sexual?Īs Mario would say: "It's a me! Awkward segue!" 5. But a bee suit? A propeller helmet? A water backpack… thing? What the hell is going on?Īnd so, in honor of Super Mario 3D Land (and the return of the classic Tanooki suit power-up), we're taking a look at five notably weird power-ups from the Mario universe. Sure, a mushroom makes Mario big, after twenty-five years we're now willing to accept that sort of oddity as stone cold fact. And nowhere is this more evident than in the series' various power-ups, which have gotten nuttier and nuttier with each installment. Point is, there's a whole lot of crazy that's piled up in the Mario universe over the years, to the point where we've just gotten used to the lack of logic.
This is a world completely devoid of continuity, where one day you're saving a beautiful girl from the clutches of a murderous giant ape, the next that giant ape is riding shotgun in your go-kart, whipping turtle shells at passing racers.
Golfing, playing tennis, throwing parties, brawling, even competing in the goddamn Olympics alongside a talking hedgehog. This is a world where a fat Italian plumber and his twin brother got sucked down a drain pipe twenty-five years ago, spending their time in this strange realm not only rescuing princesses, but also taking up a variety of leisure pursuits. Let's be honest, trying to make sense of the Mario universe for even a second is a completely futile pursuit.
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